Hesitation

The Part of You I'm Most Familiar

It's here once again Elaine.

When I look back at my life and remember the part you played in it, I will look at you and realize that the only thing I remember about you, the part of you that I am most familiar, is your cold shoulder.

Sometimes, I can't really understand why. Why I foolishly hoped that there could be more between us. Why you mattered so much to me. Why I couldn't turn away from you. Why, why, why....

So you turn your back on me again and the silence once again fill the space between us. Yeah, I'm also very familiar with your back and with watching you walk away.

Gotta rush away, she said,

I've been to Boston before.

Anyway, this change I've been feeling,

doesn't make the rain fall.

No big differences these days,

just the same walk aways.

Someday, I'm going to stay,

but not today.

Composed and performed by Counting Crows.

Youtube movie by iam2pic.

Voices in My Head

I think I'm on the final rolls of the toilet paper that is my mind.  Yes, my mind is as dirty as a toilet too but that is another post.  The other voices have started to get louder and worse, I've been talking back to them as if they're real.  Sometimes I think they are real.

Hold on for one more day.  Just one day at a time.

Alone

Sometimes I really wonder if you're really there, Aba.  All it took was a quote from the book of Job to start up another anxiety attack.  It isn't fun living like this.  I really, really wish I could somehow find peace.

I feel so alone.