Re-Linked Sojourn Notes to my other Blogs

It's been over two years since I unlinked Sojourn Notes from Midgard Sojourn and Midgard Anthologies. Two years ago, I hoped to be more prolific a writer of fan-fiction and I didn't want to discuss life matters with children who just want to punk or deface blogs with their inane rants.

I've re-linked Sojourn Notes to the rest of the blogs. I guess it was inevitable that I would. After all, I can't play Ragnarok Online forever, can't I. :)

Please feel free to browse between the different blogs and make any comment you feel fit. All I ask is respect.

Thank you dear reader.

Sometimes it becomes oppressive this posting, this station. I'm far away from home and supply deliveries seem so rare. Sometimes I really wonder if Homebase still remembers me. I wonder how long before my watch, my sojourn ends.

I'm tired.

Speaking in Tongues

Pika-pika? Pikapika pika pika-chiu, pi-pika pi-pipika pika-pi-a-a-pika pikapi! Pikachiu-pikaa-pika. Pikapii? Pikachiu-pikachiu. Pikapika-pika-chiu. Pikapika .... pika!

Pika-pika-pikaa. Pikapi-pika-pika-chiu? Pika-pi-ka-a-pika-chiu pika-pi-pika-a-a. Pika-pika-pika-pi, pikachiu-pikapika pikapika-pikachiu pika-piika-a pikachiu pikachiu pika-chiu-pika. Pika-chiu? Pikachiu-pika-pikaa. Pikaa-pikaa pikachiu-u.

Pikachiu? Piii-kaa-chiu!

Depression: FYI

If you watched episode 9 of REC the anime, you would notice that Matsumaru Fumihiko, the male protagonist, acted like a jerk at the beginning of the episode despite not wanting to. Well, that is a realistic depiction. I suffer from clinical depression and I can tell you that even if the sun is shining and everything is alright, you will be bad tempered if you're feeling depressed.

There are days you will want to kill yourself or will pray for death just to be free from this weight. Maybe cultural conditioning also has some bearing on how a person will act. Maybe some people will snap earlier than others due to circumstances.

Depression is a little like flu: there is very little you can do until it has run its course. Sometimes, some cures are effective but like flu, the cures for depression help the symptoms rather than the cause. But let me tell you, every bit of cure that helps, works.

Oftentimes, if you want to help a depressed friend, you are on your own. Your depressed friend will not look for help, he/she will just curl into his/her own little ball of pain instead of look for help. When you're depressed, you don't feel worthy of help. Sometimes, you feel your troubles are too small to even merit asking for help. Often people on the outside don't even notice what has happened, depression cannot be diagnosed as easily as the flu.

In the meantime, we live in our little hell on earth until the depression-flu runs its course. Or we die of it.

REC

Cheer!~Makka na kimochi~ (Deep Red Feeling [Aka's Heart / Aka's Song (?)] ) / Cheer!～まっかなキモチ～
Lyrics by Hiiro Misaki
Music by Kouhei Koyama
Performed by Kanako Sakai as Aka Onda

This is all that I ever hope for in a relationship with a girl. The best stories are always those that reflect what is true or what is deeply yearned.

The basic theme of the series is the growing relationship between the two main protagonists. There are difficulties for them to surmount but these difficulties are very ordinary and very easy to identify with. There are no bad guys in this series, no contrived opponent for the protagonists to overcome. Relationships, by their very nature, will give enough conflict to fill several series. Quite the opposite, everybody in the series seems to be encouraging and helping the lovers connect to and with each other.

Other notable themes are Onda Aka's dream to become a successful seiyu, voice actress, and Matsumaru Fumihiko's successes and disappointments with his career in marketing. I love and am always deeply touched by the recurrent theme of reconciliation and reconnection between the main protagonists, Fumihiko and Aka.

For me, the best part of this series is to watch the characters grow beyond themselves, beyond the basic human selfishness and give of themselves. This is the most important thing about love that most love stories neglect, that love makes people grow up and widens their world. By loving and giving of ourselves, we become bigger that we would have been if we never loved at all.

Devotion
Lyrics, Music by a.k.a.dRESS (ave;new)
Performed by BRACE;d (Miki Kawase & a.k.a.dRESS)

ふたりの願い　繋ぐ架け橋
約束　探すよ
遠い日はセピア色の　写真の中
抱きしめた　この気持ち
叶えたい想いが傍に　すぐそこにあるから
信じたい　君の隣でずっと・・・
So we just find the way
あふれ出すこの寂しさが
巡る季節の　冷たい風に吹かれ
胸、締め付ける
伝えきれないよ　この愛しさは
ただ君を想うから　そう誰よりも
だから声を聴かせて　優しい歌で
初めて気付いた　失うことで
分かってた筈なのに
悲しい夢ならば　見たくはないから
一人きりの夜じゃ　辛いよ、抱きしめて・・・
So we just follow the dream
瞳を濡らす涙が　頬を伝うとき
まるで星空のように　綺麗で
何度でも言うよ　この想いを
君だけに言うよ　愛していると
見つめ合うその眼差しは　永遠だから
叶えたい想いが傍に　すぐそこにあるから
信じたい　君の隣でずっと・・・
だからLoving you
冷たい雨が　君のことを傷つけても
守りたい　信じたい　心から
たとえ遠く離れたとしても
君だけを想う　そして願う
言葉にならないけど
We just find the way
あふれ出すこの寂しさが
巡る季節の　冷たい風に吹かれ
胸、締め付ける
伝えきれないよ　この愛しさは
君だけに言うよ　愛していると
だから声を聴かせて　優しい歌で

Let's promise, to find
A common wish, to bridge the both of us
I've held onto this feeling ever since
The days long gone by, inside the sepia-coloured photos
Keeping this thought I want to make come true near, immediately wherever I go
I want to believe that I'll always be by your side...
So we just find the way
My heart tightens to
This overflowing sadness
Blown by the revolving season's cold breeze
It's never enough, telling you of my loving
Only you are in my thoughts, more than anyone else
So let me hear your voice with your gentle song
Although I thought I've surely understood
I realized, for the first time, when I lost you
That I don't want to dream such sad dreams
The lonely nights were so painful, so hold me...
So we just follow the dream
The moment tears that wet our eyes run down our cheek
It's as beautiful as the starry night sky
I'll say this feeling no matter how many times
And I'll only tell it to you alone
Because my love and our gaze when we look at each other are eternal
Keeping this thought I want to make come true near, immediately wherever I go
I want to believe that I'll always be by your side...
So I'm loving you
Even if the cold rain hurts you inside
I want to protect you I want to believe in you from the heart
No matter how far apart we are
I'll only think about you and pray
Even though I can't put all of it into words
We just find the way
My heart tightens to
This overflowing sadness
Blown by the revolving season's cold breeze
It's never enough, telling you of my loving
And I'll only tell my love to you alone
So let me hear your voice with your gentle song

Lyrics from the website www.AnimeLyrics.com

Cave-In

It's been more than 3 days since my insides caved-in. I never realized how much I really longed for a Significant Other in my life until I watched REC on Animax. Maybe I was lying to myself all this time that I'll be fine and I'll get by. Maybe I've hidden this truth and plastered it over since my last cave-in.

The only person I can imagine to be my Aka is Cathy but I was never anything to her other than a friend. Her one driving dream was to find her freedom in America. Everything else had to be a very far second to that dream.

It gnaws your insides, this thing we call loneliness. It gnaws until only the hollowness remains and the outer walls cave-in on the vacuum. Maybe there was nothing there in the first place, but I disagree. I have a life. I have a place. Even if Cathy or Janet or all those others who I liked, who I wanted to be my Significant Other, didn't agree, didn't like me back, I have a life.

I do have a life. That she, whoever she is, isn't here, has no bearing on it.

I serve. I serve the ONE first and last. I help the family. I have a life.

40 years

40 years behind me, 40 years ahead.
Each year the leaves of my life-tree
fall quietly one by one.
What have I to show for 40 years?
White hair, wrinkled face and grey colored glasses.